True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
