if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
