How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize