i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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