she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
