So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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