I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need a beard to bite.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
