Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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