you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
