we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
