For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
