My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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