new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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