There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
