I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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