In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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