Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
