You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
