Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
