Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
