i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
