Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
