I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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