I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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