So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
