I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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