Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
