i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
