So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and she was petting her beer can
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
