This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
