Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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