Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
