can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
