I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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