Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
