what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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