i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
