Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
