Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
