new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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