he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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