They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
