one two three fourrrrnication!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
