Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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