if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
