im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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