Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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