i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
