i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize