Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
