Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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