I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
