It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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