theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
