he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we're making bets on your personal life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
