tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
