I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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