glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
