Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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