Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
