Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
