I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
